Anyone who’s worked in a restaurant knows just how important getting into the “flow” is. To have a good shift, every table, order, and interaction must be seamless. The front and back of houses must be constantly communicating and keeping calm under pressure. But in the heat of a dinner rush, that all-important communication can break down, and tension between staff can boil over. When team members don’t feel heard (whether by managers, other employees, or guests) it doesn’t just impact their performance—it disrupts the entire dining experience which in turn can  affect the entire staff.  And that’s where the magic of active listening comes in. If done the right way, it offers a powerful way to defuse conflicts and build stronger teams.

 

At one of the restaurants I worked in, the head chef Oliver was a major source of contention. As I quickly learned, he was one of those guys who was not talented enough to the jerk that he was, yet the owners kept him because he was good enough to get by. What the owners didn’t see, however, was how much his attitude was hurting each service he worked. He dismissed suggestions from line cooks, constantly snapped at servers who dare ask him (perfectly acceptable) questions, and never offered praise or gratitude to anyone. Tensions ran so high that staff turnover spiked, and morale plummeted. The atmosphere in the kitchen was so tense you could practically see the eggshells everyone walked on when they were with him.

 

At first, the owners hesitated to confront him, but as the conflict worsened, and they had to constantly hire new staff in a town already suffering from a staffing shortage, it became clear something had to change. However, having learned who Oliver was, I knew that major changes at the beginning would not work with him. So we started with something small yet incredible effective that the owners themselves could incorporate - active listening.

 

Here’s how the owners were able to begin to solve a problem like Oliver:

 

1. Acknowledged the Problem

While I often advocate for team meetings, in this situation Oliver had to be initially addressed one-on-one, as he would feel attacked and defensive in a group setting. Instead of accusing him of being the issue, the owners framed the conversation around the overall team dynamic and the need to create a more supportive work environment. This softened Oliver’s initial defensiveness (as well as his jump-down-everyone’s-throated-ness).

 

2. Focused on Listening First

During their meeting, the owners let Oliver share his perspective without interruption, which they acknowledge they had never done before. He admitted he felt overwhelmed and underappreciated by staff, owners,and guests, which was fueling his short temper. By using simple active listening techniques—nodding, maintaining eye contact, and paraphrasing his concerns—the owners made Oliver feel heard and validated, something he apparently wasn’t used to in his role.

 

3. Gathered Feedback from the Team

It wasn’t enough to just talk to Oliver, though. The owners also met privately with other staff members, encouraging them to share their experiences. Line cooks mentioned feeling dismissed, and servers shared examples of Oliver’s harsh comments during service.  They assured the staff their input would remain confidential but made it clear they were working to improve the environment for everyone.

 

4. Facilitated a Constructive Conversation

Then it was time to bring them together.  Oliver and a few key team members were brought together for a mediated discussion with the owners. Each person had a chance to express their thoughts in a controlled setting (and since both sides had already blown off much-needed steam in their individual meetings, they were much calmer than if this had been their first meeting together). Oliver heard how his behavior affected others, while the team learned about the stress he was under. This mutual understanding laid the groundwork for collaboration.

 

5. Set Clear Expectations and Solutions

As a team, they created actionable steps to improve communication and respect in the kitchen. Oliver said he’d work on giving constructive feedback instead of just snapping, and also agreed to delegate tasks more effectively to take some of the stress off himself. The team promised to approach Oliver with solutions instead of just complaints.

 

6. Followed Up Regularly

The owners really took active listening thing and ran with it. They checked in with Oliver weekly to ensure he felt supported and they also kept a much closer eye on team dynamics. Both owners started working busy shifts at the pass in the kitchen (which, if you’ve worked in a kitchen, know it’s not the most desired place to be). They made sure to acknowledge positive changes, like Oliver calmly explaining adjustments during service or the staff helping him when he was in the weeds, which reinforced the new behavior.

 

Oliver slowly but surely became a better team player. The kitchen felt less like a battleground and more like a team space where everyone was welcome. Turnover decreased, service improved, and the entire staff felt the impact of a healthier dynamic. Even Oliver admitted he felt less stressed and more connected to his team (which, again, knowing how Oliver was, this was a huge win).

 

A team can’t succeed without respect and communication. Active listening isn’t just for resolving specific conflicts—it’s a tool to rebuild trust, repair relationships, and create a work environment where everyone feels valued and safe.

 

If your team is struggling, start by listening. You might just find that understanding is the missing ingredient for success.